Should I Leave Him?

A friend of mine just texted me for advice.  Her 10+ years of marriage is going through a rough patch and she wanted advice on leaving her husband.  

For obvious reasons, I disapproved of the idea and here’s my reasoning why.

First of all. “Trial separations” are a stupid idea. They are just practice for real separations. Take it from a guy who spent his life "trial separating" from one relationship or another only to find myself lonely, angry and sad. 

Marriages are much different from casual relationships. Marriage is a commitment you make to another person before God and your peers.  Something amazing happens when you make such a commitment. You give people hope. You become an extension of Gods promise that He will never give up on you!

America has become the home of commodities worth buying a selling. This mentality of “I want it. I get it - I don’t want it- I get rid of it” has permeated wall-street and make its way into our cultural beliefs.  We get excited for something and we covet it. We get bored with it and scheme on ways to get rid of it.  I’m in sales. I understand the value of trade. Don’t treat your marriage like a commodity.  I’ve known my Wife for 5 years now and have been married for 3 of those years.  Before her, I was the “Archetype” Bachelor.  The contrast between that life and my current one is sharp.  Marriage life was not an easy transition but I can promise you. It’s worth it. Everyday… even the sucky ones.

If your marriage is struggling right now I definitely suggest going to counseling before it gets worst.  If you can’t afford counseling then I recommend picking up a copy of SYMBIS (Saving your marriage before it starts) by Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott.  It’s an excellent resource and a great tool to have around when things are starting to get tight under your roof.

Most people forget that there’s a constant battle raging for your soul; an epic battle that’s been going on since the dawn of humanity. A battle of good versus evil.  God is Good, the Devil is Evil. The description is in the title.  So why would the Devil ignore your marriage? He won’t. Marriage is a God-thing which means it’s on the Devils radar 24/7.

If your marriage is going through a rough patch. Good! That means you’re close to something big. God knows it. The Devils knows it too, but the only difference is… God’s got your back while the Devils trying to throw monkey-wrenches at you. When the Devil throws you monkey-wrenches use them to FIX your situation. It throws off his entire plan to destroy what you’ve got going on.

According to Galatians 5:22-23. God is about love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. The first 4 are internal, the last 5 are external.  If you’re not using these spiritual tools each and every day then your situation will eventually grow ill…and not because you’re turning to the Devil but because you’re running from God. 

My advice to your relationship is show humility, humble yourself and apologize. Especially when you feel that you’ve done nothing wrong.  Apologizing primers the spirit; for conflict resolution.  If it’s hard to apologize that’s even better because if it taste like medicine it’s probably good for you.

I write this stuff to help other people who are going through the same issues. Work, family, relationships; they all bring us great joy and sorrow. My hope is that my little Biblically-inspired tools will help your situation at least 1%. If so, then I feel I’ve done something good in my life. 

Just remember:

Divorce is never an option… in fact, never even mention the D-word to your Spouse.

Show humility and use the fruits of the spirit we learned in Galatians.

Marriage is hard, but it’s worth it. Remember how lonely and empty you felt before it.

And finally…

Never break anyone’s heart. Never! Not for any reason. It’s destructive and unnecessary.